Baby massage: which oil do you use, and from when?

There are courses, handbooks and YouTube tutorials on baby massage, complete with step-by-step plans as if you were assembling flat-pack furniture. And then there is your own child: just awake, little arms going in every direction, entirely unaware of step three. Good news: you do not need the choreography.

What massage does for the two of you

Research into baby massage has been looking at bonding, sleep and stress for years. A Cochrane review (Bennett and colleagues, 2013) saw indications of positive effects in healthy babies, and honestly noted that the quality of many studies is limited. More recent research in the Journal of Neonatal Nursing (Jabraeili and colleagues, 2023) looked at massage with oil and found fewer stress signals and lower salivary cortisol in the massaged babies. And back in 2000, Cullen and colleagues showed something lovely: fathers who massaged their baby regularly had more expressive, more joyful interactions with their child. Massage, in other words, is also simply being together, with your hands as the language.

In the book, Petra puts it like this: “What I pass on to parents about baby massage: do not memorise a manual and do not rehearse a choreography. Start with warm carrier oil in your hands and see where your hands want to go. Your baby communicates with small signals what is pleasant and what is not. Trust in your own hands is worth more here than any technique.”

Which oil, and from when

Here is the timeline we keep to in the book, and it is stricter than many a label:

The first three months: no essential oils on baby skin. Your child’s skin barrier is still very much under construction. What you do use is a pure, neutral carrier oil without additives: fractionated coconut oil (gentle, light, does not sit greasy on the skin), sweet almond oil or jojoba. The direct skin contact, the warmth and your calm breathing do all the work in this phase; no drop needs to be added.

From the third month of life: start very gently, if you want to, with strongly diluted essential oil in the carrier oil. Lavender is the classic first choice. One drop in thirty millilitres of carrier oil is the ratio to keep in mind: almost homeopathic by adult standards, exactly right for a baby’s skin.

And peppermint? That one keeps for years yet. Some oils are simply not meant for babies and young children, however familiar they are in your own routine. The age table per oil is in the book and in the free guide.

How to begin (without a step plan)

Choose a moment that suits you both: after the bath, or as part of the bedtime ritual. Phone away, jewellery off, hands warm. And ask your baby for permission; that sounds odd with someone six weeks old, but it works. Rub your hands warm with the oil, visibly, in front of your child’s face. At first nothing much happens; after a few times you will see it: kicking, crowing, one big yes. If your baby looks away, goes quiet or switches off like a little lamp, then today is simply not a massage day. That too is communication, and you have just listened.

Start small: the legs are the nicest place to begin for most babies. A few minutes is enough. The rest follows by itself, because the two of you are going to enjoy this.

Frequently asked questions

From what age can I use essential oil on my baby?

Not on the skin in the first three months of life; massage with a pure carrier oil such as fractionated coconut oil or sweet almond oil instead. From the third month you can, if you wish, start very strongly diluted, for example with lavender.

Which carrier oil is nicest for baby massage?

Fractionated coconut oil is light and gentle, sweet almond oil nourishes, and jojoba resembles the skin’s own sebum. All three are suitable; choose one without perfume or additives.

When is it better not to massage?

When your baby is ill, has a fever, has just been vaccinated or just been fed, or simply is not in the mood today. A baby that looks away or becomes restless is saying no; tomorrow is another day.