To the website·All editions·Subscribe
GOOD.

Hi,

This week I was out with Enzo in the evening. We'd just turned a corner when we came across someone walking their dog. That dog went for Enzo without any warning. Enzo did exactly what I once taught him: he turned away and put some distance between them straight away. Nothing happened, but it gave everyone a fright.

The other owner started shouting. Maybe he was already wound up before he came round the corner; I don't know, and I didn't ask. I did what Enzo had just shown me: a wide berth, and a different way home.

On the way back I thought: this could happen to anyone, and it's exactly in moments you don't see coming that you can tell how someone's emotional balance is doing.

A woman breathes calmly while colleagues rush around her

Staying calm when you don't see it coming

Emotional intelligence rarely shows up on a quiet Tuesday afternoon. It shows in the moments that catch you off guard: a dog round the corner, someone cutting you up in traffic, a message that lands in the middle of a busy day. The part of your brain that puts the brakes on your first impulse isn't fully developed until around 25. And even after that, it struggles once your body is already under stress.

In a moment like that, your body is on high alert before your head has had a chance to choose. Your heart speeds up and your breathing turns quick and shallow. Of that whole alarm system, your breath is the only part you can steer yourself. Every time you breathe out, your heart slows down a touch; that's a nerve bringing your body into rest mode. If you breathe out for longer than you breathe in, you give that brake a little more time with every breath.

Researchers at Stanford asked people to breathe for 5 minutes a day for 28 days, with the emphasis on a long out-breath. Their mood improved more than in a group who meditated for the same time. The more often you practise that calm on an ordinary day, the easier it is to find it when something unexpected happens.

Try this today: breathe out three times

Feel something catching you off guard, a message, a comment, someone who won't let you merge in traffic? Before you react, breathe out slowly three times, longer than you breathe in. It takes half a minute, and nobody notices.

The breathing light of the breathing music

YOUR GIFT THIS WEEK

Breathing music: 20 minutes, 111 breaths

To practise that calm every day, I've made something you can treat yourself to: twenty minutes of music with a light that breathes with you. When the light grows and turns golden, breathe in through your nose. When it gets smaller and cooler, breathe out slowly. When you hear the rush of a wave, breathe out. That way it works with your eyes closed too. The pace slows down a little on its own, and your out-breath is always longer than your in-breath. From that calm, you'll look at your day, at yourself and at the people around you a little differently.

Why twenty minutes? I got that from Lidewij Hoorntje, a surgeon who also works with breathwork. At the doTERRA Netherlands Day in Bussum this month, she talked about a study from Harvard.

Beginners spent eight weeks doing a twenty-minute relaxation practice every day, keeping their attention on their breath. That sets off what researchers call the relaxation response: the opposite of the stress response. Under stress, your body puts its foot down. Your heart speeds up, your muscles tense and you brace yourself. With the relaxation response, it shifts back down into rest and repair.

Then the researchers looked at the participants' blood, right down to the level of their genes. Your genes are being read all day long, some more than others. After the practice, the genes that run your mitochondria, the power stations in your cells, became more active. The genes linked to inflammation and the stress response were read less often. It showed up after just one session, and the effect was strongest in people who'd been practising for years.

I've put it all on one card for you: the rhythm, what the research showed, and something to do when things suddenly get tense. Print it out and take it to work, or save the web page to your phone's home screen so it's always to hand.

On the back, you choose a scent anchor to use with your breathing practice. That way you're training your nervous system too: after a while, the scent alone often brings you back to that calm within a few seconds.

Start the breathing music

Open your breathing card →

Let's go!
Tanja

Tanja Thielen

Tanja Thielen

Health strategist & bestselling author

Instagram (English)  ·  Facebook (Deutsch)  ·  LinkedIn (Nederlands)

My books →

You are receiving this email because you signed up for the 5 GOOD. minutes or downloaded something from GOOD. earlier.
your-good-life.com · Privacy policy · Archive
GOOD. · Tanja Thielen · Hollywoodlaan 35, 1325 HN Almere, Nederland
KvK 42051602 · btw NL005457502B57