Inner calm is the new six-pack. The most attractive version of yourself isn’t made in the gym, but the moment you stop running from your own shadow.
I discovered this in a fairly intense way. After years of trying to grow together, my ex and I came to a grown-up conclusion: we grew better apart. No drama, no fight, just two people who dared to be honest. A hard decision. But what came afterwards was the real lesson.
The mirror never lies (even when you sometimes wish it would)
Suddenly there you are. Alone. With yourself. And all your bullshit. No partner to project your triggers onto. No excuse for your grumpy moods. No more “but he/she…”. Just you, babe. In all your glory and with all your flaws.
I took that moment and went deep. Deep-sea diving without excuses. I looked at parts of myself I’d hidden away for years, discovered patterns I’d been handed down generation after generation, recognised my self-destruction mechanisms, and saw how I lured the obstacles onto my own path. And I decided: this stops here and now. I take responsibility for me, my thoughts, my behaviour and my words.
The result? People started looking at me differently. “You’re glowing,” they said. “What are you doing differently?” Emotional maturity, apparently. Who knew inner calm was this sexy?
Your nervous system is your secret weapon
Here’s what you probably feel, but don’t yet consciously put to work for yourself: your emotional balance starts in your nervous system. If your nervous system is in survival mode (and for many of us that’s more often the case than we think), you interpret all sorts of things as danger. You react from fear instead of from love, and you attract drama like a magnet.
When your nervous system settles, you become magnetic. People feel safe around you, you radiate calm, you respond instead of exploding. By doing the inner work, by truly learning to love myself without masks, I attracted people who’d walked the same path. People who also dare to be who they really are. Consciously in the here and now, pure and open.
My top 5 for emotional alchemy
1. Breathe your way to calm (literally)
Your breath is a direct route into your nervous system. Three minutes of conscious breathing works like a reset. My favourite is the 4-7-8 method: breathe in for 4, hold for 7, breathe out for 8.
Use Balance essential oil as an anchor. This blend of Spruce, Ho Wood, Frankincense, Blue Tansy and Blue Chamomile helps you settle. Put a drop on your palms, rub them together, cup your hands over your nose and breathe in deeply before you start. After four rounds you’ve gone from stressed gremlin to zen master. The scent becomes your anchor: every time you smell Balance, your body knows it’s time to calm down.
2. “Flip the script”: from victim to creator
Every trigger is a teacher. If something gets to you, ask yourself: “What does this say about ME?” Friend forgets your birthday? Instead of “he/she doesn’t care about me”: “Where do I forget myself?” Boss ignores your ideas? Instead of “nobody listens”: “Where am I not listening to my own wisdom?”
Grab a notebook and pen and first write down everything you think about the situation or person, no filter. Then look at it honestly, and turn it around to yourself: “She lies to me” becomes “Where do I lie to myself?” This isn’t woo-woo, it’s radical responsibility: you stop playing the victim and become the author of your own life. And that, dear you, is irresistibly attractive.
3. Forest bathing for city people
Nature calms your whole system, and that’s well researched. In Japan shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) is even a recognised health practice: studies show lower cortisol levels, lower blood pressure and a calmer nervous system after time in the forest. Part of the effect comes from phytoncides, the volatile compounds that plants and trees release. No forest nearby? No problem:
Touch a tree, or better still: step onto the grass barefoot. Many people experience that contact with the earth (“grounding” or “earthing”) calms them, and small studies suggest effects on stress and heart rate variability. The research is still in its early days, but it costs nothing and it feels wonderful, so why not.
Look at the sky for 5 minutes. Your eyes focus on infinity and you let go of your worrying brain for a moment. A simple way to give your parasympathetic nervous system (your rest-and-recover mode) a nudge.
Bring the forest indoors with the Shinrin-Yoku blend, literally “bathing in the forest”, a mix of Lemon, Peppermint, Clove, Eucalyptus, Grapefruit, Ginger, Cinnamon and Rosemary. Diffuse it at home and create your own calm spot. And why pure essential oils make such a difference here: pure oils contain the complete, natural molecular makeup, while synthetic fragrances don’t. Diffuse them through your home. No tree-hugging required (though you’re welcome to, whatever tickles your fancy).
4. Journaling meets AI
I talk to AI as if it’s my therapist. Judge me not, it works. You can pour everything out without a filter, spot patterns, get new perspectives, and you have “someone” to talk to 24/7. Plus: AI doesn’t judge. It’s like a mirror that reflects back without an agenda. Pure reflection for your self-enquiry.
5. Touch yourself (not the way you think)
We’re touch-deprived. The solution? Self-massage with essential oils. In the evening I like to massage my feet. My current favourites: Adaptiv (a blend of Wild Orange, Lavender, Copaiba, Spearmint, Magnolia, Rosemary, Neroli and Sweetgum) for stress release, Wild Orange for playfulness and creativity, and Magnolia to see the beauty instead of the danger. Your nervous system calms and you literally give yourself the love you deserve. Self-care at the deepest level.
The supplements that support your nervous system
Copaiba Softgels. Copaiba contains beta-caryophyllene, a plant-based cannabinoid that supports your endocannabinoid system. Note: this isn’t CBD and it won’t get you high, but it does support your natural stress response. My go-to when life gets intense.
Serenity Capsules. With L-theanine, passionflower and lavender. Good sleep is good recovery, and these help your nervous system settle before the night.
Wellness Made Simple, your foundation for emotional balance. A shortage of nutrients is also a form of stress for your body. You can meditate until you drop, but if you’re structurally short on B vitamins, magnesium and omega-3, or your microbiome is out of balance, your nervous system stays on edge more easily. Wellness Made Simple is your biochemical base: it feeds your cells with 70+ nutrients in liposomal form (designed for good absorption), your brain with fresh omega-3, and your gut with probiotics (where a large part of your serotonin is made). When your body gets what it needs, you have less to fight against in yourself and emotional balance comes a lot more easily.
The magnetic effect of authenticity
When I really started to glow, I attracted people on the same wavelength. People who also had the nerve to take off their masks and had moved through their shadow. Because you know what’s most sexy? Someone who knows themselves. Who owns their shit. Who can say “this is bothering me” without projecting it onto others. That’s not weakness, that’s strength in its purest form.
And yes, by daring to be 100% myself, because I finally understood that I’m worth loving, everything changed. Deeper connections. Realer conversations. Relationships based on mutual growth instead of shared trauma. Out of love for yourself, real, unconditional love is born.
You’re one breath away from calm
Start small. Pick one thing. Try it today. Because your emotional balance isn’t only good for you, it’s a gift to everyone around you.
Your calm is what the people around you feel. Be the calm in someone’s storm. Starting with your own. And from now on you’ll attract exactly the people you need: people who also choose growth over comfort, realness over perfection, love over fear.
Because that’s the secret: when you become who you really are, you attract what’s really meant for you.
Let’s go! 🌟 Tanja
Ready to go from reactive to magnetic? Take the GOOD. assessment for your personal emotional-balance plan.
P.S. Yes, I talk to AI about my feelings. And yes, I go out into nature every day. And guess what? I’m calmer, happier and more authentic than ever. So can you.